oh god the rape fog is back!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
