I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
