Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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