its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Your cock deserves a montage
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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