plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She needs sedatives and a leash
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Drunk is a universal language darling
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
