Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize