ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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