Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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