I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
