Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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