i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
