My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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