Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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