I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
