it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It's just like the Real World with babies
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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