I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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