2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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