Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
