Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
