After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
