if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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