youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
