I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
