grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
