I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
