At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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