Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
