And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
