naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
