I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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