JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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