I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
