Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
