marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You can't special order awesome
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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