His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
