you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
