saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
