im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
