I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
