i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
