there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I DEMAND FORESKIN
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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