I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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