haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
