he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
