i would punch a child for taco bell
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
