So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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