she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
my poor anus
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
