Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
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it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
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Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize