Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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