so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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