my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
