He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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