Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
this beer tastes like vomit already
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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