if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
