I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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