Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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