i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
