i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
